To: Sanford
Subject: Performance Review
The purpose of this message is to evaluate your recent performance in the workplace.
Sanford, I am unimpressed with how you’ve been performing. When you bag groceries, you tend to help a customer who already has someone bagging for them instead of helping a customer who doesn’t have one. This is not okay, especially because you like to chat with the bagger you’re helping. I would like to remind you of the rule we have about bagging: there should be no conversation going on between you and a cashier and/or bagger unless it involves the customer. This is so the customer doesn’t feel left out. I also heard about the incident that involved you sleeping in a motorized shopping cart while on the clock. It was an embarrassment to the store when a customer who needed the cart found you in it. This is something that should never happen again. You must be working at all times during your shift, and if you finish one task you must find another. Laziness is frowned upon and can quickly lead to termination of your employment. Please take some time before you go to work again to think about how you can improve as a professional.
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I feel like these all work better individually than together. The first one was good, but they didn't flow together and I got confused. Maybe try to make more of a narrative with your piece so you can better integrate these different reviews.
ReplyDeleteI thought that the style you used in writing this was really interesting, although it did confuse me a little. With the reviews of all the different employees put together with no additional narrative, I found it hard to connect all of them. Maybe this is what you intended, but I'm not sure. It might help to modify the reviews in order to clarify on the primary meaning you want the story to convey, perhaps by connecting the employees to each other with some common ground in the reviews
ReplyDeleteI really like the tone and style of your paragraphs, but I think that overall there needs to be more connection between them. Using more scene could help, along with maybe more narrative and character development. Those are just some examples of ways to maybe help the piece flow a little better, because though the paragraphs are good on their own, they could use more of a story to them.
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