But first she has to show me a picture of her brand new puppy, which she actually showed me the last time I watched her pacemaker procedure. She loves to talk, which is surprising since her profession doesn’t exactly require people skills. Donna whips her phone out of her back pocket. The puppy is a cocka-poo, which is about the size of a beanie baby and looks like a little ball of golden fluff.
“Isn’t she adorable? Her name is Cosette; my husband and I named her after a character from Les Miserables, our favorite book.”
She smiles triumphantly and slides the phone back into her pocket. Now she is ready to begin.
Dr. Waite begins the incision into the patient’s pale skin.
Each cut is delicate, as she pauses before making her next move. My stomach tightens and I glance over at Nate and ask him if he thinks it’s gross so far. He just shrugs his shoulders, as he’s seen it all before. After Dr. Waite slices the patient’s chest open, she goes on about the puppy:
“…and as soon as I held him it was love at first sight. But my husband will be the type that will tell our little darling ‘Well, I would let you do this, but mommy said no…’ We’ve figured out a schedule for when to walk the dogs. He will in the mornings, and…”
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I really liked the description you gave during the talk about the organs and especially the way you ended it and the imagery it had. But I think it might be helpful to the story to better describe the procedure in that same sort of detail.
ReplyDeleteThe descriptions of this doctor and the surgery are awesome, and I also really liked the one Ana mentioned. I think the way that the gossip seems regimented by the "NEXT" in between each one is a cool parallel to surgical procedure, and I would explore that more. Maybe how the gossip seems to become a part of the procedure itself. You would normally think surgeons would narrate what they're doing in a situation like this, saying "Ok now we're going to find this lobe by doing this and this," but you could also include "And NEXT Michael Jackson," something like that. Just to create more connection between the gossip and how it fits in to the actual environment in the surgery.
ReplyDeleteI think my favorite part was how the room was dead silent when the woman thought she hadn't found a mass, and then Sandy's reaction afterward. It's a perfect example of how the surgery is more than just a surgery, but it also is taken seriously in its own special way.
I was really drawn in to this story and liked all of the feelings the narrator had during the procedure. I don't know what to feel about these health care professionals who talk about other things than the procedure DURING the procedure such as Michael Jackson's funeral or Sarah Palin. I am both humored and uncomfortable that they did this.
ReplyDeleteI got a really good image during the part where the Chinese woman didn't find a mass. I was sort of confused, but as I read on it became clearer why this was a big deal. I thought this piece was very interesting. I liked that it felt personal and held my attention well.
I would just like to know more about what the narrator was doing. I only gathered that the narrator was standing and doing nothing else.
I, too, loved the descriptions in you story. You did a really good job of depicting the surgery, to the point that it made me cringe a little- which is awesome because that's how you wanted your feelings towards surgeries and blood to be shown (at least that's what I gathered from the first paragraph about how you are squeamish just from watching gory movies or shows).
ReplyDeleteThe dialogues were all very well placed too- it gave a nice break from just description and narrative.
Overall, really good story. I would just try to pinpoint your exact purpose there in the beginning, because from the first paragraph it almost came off as if you were getting the surgery yourself.