Sunday morning. My dad ordered me outside to clear the snow. I stepped barefoot into green rubber boots with soft fur lining on the inside that sat beside the garage door. I danced on my toes swiftly, making my way toward the boots, and deftly leaped into the shoes to minimize the transfer of heat with the frigid concrete garage floor. I wiggled my toes in the empty space within. With the green plastic shaft of a snow shovel pressed against the rubber grip of my bright red nylon-shelled gloves, I stepped out of the garage and squinted, assaulted by the pure, natural light reflecting off the fresh, glittery snowfall, just as I had as a child defiantly gazing into the sun against the advice of elders, seeing the shape of the landscape and the position of the horizon in scarlet streaks during each blink. Those light patterns were more precise than my blurred vision without contacts. I spent a half hour shoveling and relocating snow until I reformed the psychedelic outlines into a channel that cars could pass through.
When I stepped back into the shade of the garage, instantly, the entire world filtered into two tones. The window emitted a red glow, while the dark corner of the garage appeared green. I kept myself from blinking to maximize the duration of the phenomenon. After slipping the boots off, I stepped back inside, and started to take off some layers of clothes. My eyes began to sting. The entire room shifted slowly from red to green. A cloud must have shaded the sun. I walked into the family room, looking at the emerald piano in front of the large, ruby windows, forming a gradient of colors that blurred the outline of the piano. My eyes were bitterly dry by the time I stepped into the dark green basement. I blinked a few times, and the dichromatic world faded into the full spectrum. The two colors were divorced.
I can't believe you turned a day into a meditation on the qualities of light and vision. For that, this piece is awesome. My main issue is that I wish there were more connections between the different lights that you notice. You've got a great start, but just when I think you're going to make a connection, you leave it vague. Maybe this is what you're going for, I don't know.
ReplyDeleteThe descriptions of the light right when you go inside from shoveling are brilliant because everyone knows exactly what you're talking about there. However, very few of us have actually thought about that in the context of colorblindness so making that point with such a familiar scene works really well. The same sort of thing goes for the description of right when you wake up.
I really love how you connected the movie and the computer screen to the rest of the piece by talking about metaphorically seeing things. I want this same sort of connection with the music, especially since you start the piece with "pulsating," which immediately makes you think of music. It's a kind of science thing, which you do really well earlier in describing vision. I just want a little more.
I like how you take pretty normal experience and put a cool spin on it. however, while I like the ideas, I wonder if they are fully developed. I like the idea of questioning how can we judge how we see and how others see, and I like when you start to tie that into the movie, but I feel that that part doesn't go as far. It may just not be your intention to deal with ideas of media and stuff like that, but I feel like you bring in the computer and movies and that you could use them effectively, but here appear not to, whether it is a conscious choice or not. I also like the connection you make to music, but again, wonder if its fully developed.
ReplyDeleteI also feel like the piece is at least a little bit unbalanced. I like the first two paragraphs (although I think the first sentence of the second paragraph could maybe use some rewording), and I kinda what that style/voice to be echoed more in the rest of the piece, the sciency part I guess. You then go into this long description, comparitively, of going out side to shovel, and that is the most time you spend on anything. I like the descriptions and how it places the piece, but I think if you are going to do the other scenes (sniper, music) shorter, that this one could be cut down, or you could add this description to the other parts and develop them further. But i like the thoughts and ideas and overall thought it was fun to read.