Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Cole- TJ, Eric, Lauren, Jessie (week 4)
Halloween brings out the craziness in everyone, especially kids. First, a kid has to decide what they’re going to dress up as. This is the day that they can transform into a growling, eye patch wearing pirate, drive the Batmobile, or be the princess waiting for their knight in shining armor. To read Pippi Longstocking and have a day dedicated to putting pipe cleaners in braided pigtails, twisting them until they stick out from each side of your head is something kids count on. Halloween can’t be beat. A day to escape school, escape normality, it’s a day to venture into imaginary worlds. Just to put a little sugar on top, literally, kids get boatloads of candy. Plastic bags filled to the brim with chocolate and sugar, or in my case a pillow case full (it allows for a lot more candy). House to house kids walk in bunches with their parents dragging their feet behind them. The kids are running down the driveways, pushing and shoving to get to the neighbors’ front door first. The October nights are usually brisk but the kids don’t even feel their cheeks getting pinker and pinker by the minute. All that matters is shouting “Trick or treat, smell my feet, give me something good to eat.” Of course, when the hours set by the community for trick or treating are up, the old people, relieved that the young balls of energy are tucked away in their homes, go to bed exhausted to have stayed up past nine thirty. The kids, however, have their work cut out for them. The groups of friends go back a house, dump their treats on the tan carpeting and begin the business deals. Reese’s cups are high priority, along with Kit Kats and M&Ms, but the Almond Joys are low on the wish list. The trading begins, with ten year olds haggling over their favorites, with brows furrowed in concentration, stopping to debate the offers thrown their way. The joys of Halloween continue to amaze kids throughout the years.
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This is a nice piece with a great message. Halloween is my favorite holiday for a lot of reasons, so I'm a bit predisposed to the essay as a whole. Your description of Cole is well written and not overdone.
ReplyDelete...I guess I'm just not sure what to say about the piece. It's nice, but it's very... normal. It certainly doesn't fall flat anywhere, and it sends a meaningful message. However, I feel like it's just "nice." It might be the way you kind of have a foot in the story and excitement of Halloween and a foot in Cole's story. Maybe if you were to concentrate on one or the other a little bit more heavily. I feel like spending a lot of time on Halloween in general, then keeping Cole's story at the end and making it a bit more succinct would work pretty well. You still leave the reader considering the moral of the story by putting it at the end, but you can incorporate more vivid descriptions of Halloween activities. Just an idea.
Word on the street is there was a big debate about whether the focus should be on halloween or on cole. so i will weigh in. im all for having a description of halloween, but i think it could be reworked and made more personal. i like the different ideas of halloween, of how on the one side the kids are so concerned about candy (although i must say almond joys are bomb) and then cole gives all his away. i think if you wrote yourself in more, it could be stronger. for instance, the pippy longstocking thing sounds so specific, it was probably you, so why not just say so. that sentence is very confusing, but i like the detail of it.
ReplyDeleteAlso, i think in some places you get a little cliche, such as Cole's eyes being blue as the sky.
I think the picture of Cole is really sweet though, and overall creates a nice contrast to the sort of chaos that is the beginning halloween image.