Tuesday, February 2, 2010
(Sammy, Linus, Margo) WW4
“WOAH!” I tend to scream or yell when I see him make one of his “LeBron plays.” I turn back to my dad who is usually sleeping at this point to see if his eyes were open. “Did you see that!?” This time he was watching. “Yeaah, it was a ‘LeBron play’” he says calmy. He does his best impersonation of Austin Carr, “The L-Train THROOOOWS the Hamma Down” of course I wouln’t forget the goofy laugh.
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I really like how this is a portrait of a player who is more of an entertainer than a player. The flashback to the draft is an interesting scene and the only thing I want more is your reaction to it. You have really great scene between you and your dad before and after, and maybe you could continue this to when the two of you were watching the draft.
ReplyDeleteI also like how the one highlight you mention out of everything LeBron has done is the play that only almost makes history. You could definitely expand upon this fact. Then the scene at the end would show that even though he's not always perfect, it's the fact that he is such a great player and entertainer that makes him who he is.
Like Sammy, I really enjoyed the scene of Lebron being drafted. It works really well because you put in specific details about Lebron and David Stern. I would have liked to see some more of these details in other parts of the piece. For example, add more descriptions of George Karl and your dad.
ReplyDeleteIn the middle of the piece, you have a list of facts about the Lebron James billboard. I am not sure that this is the most effective manner to portray this and think it might have a bigger "wow" factor if it was written in a paragraph form.
I am unsure what the main focus of the piece is - it starts and ends with scenes of the author and his dad but the entire middle is about Lebron. If the piece is about the author and his reaction to Lebron, then the author and his opinions and scenes of him watching Lebron should be present throughout the piece. However, if it is about Lebron, then I think it would be stronger to start and end with images of him and use the author's opinion of him as more of a way to explain Lebron.
Finally, I like the description of Lebron making the "wow" play and throwing the chalk in the air but I think it could be even stronger if you added a bit more to them and really amped up the images.