“It's easier to make eye contact with people who don't intimidate you vs. people who do. Like most people, I get more flustered looking an attractive or high-status person in the eye compared to chatting to my parents or my friends. You could tell yourself that it's okay if you can't make eye contact with more intimidating people right off the bat, and that you'll work on that later.”
In about third grade I started to make a sincere effort to look my teachers in the eye, mainly, my math teacher. She didn’t like me. She told my mom that I never looked her in the eye and that it was rude. Her, with her big magnifying lenses that made her eyes look abnormally large for her wrinkly head, and with her dull red scraggly hair with the grey just pushing out in chunks from her scalp, clumping like balls of string to the sides of her face. Sometimes she wore lipstick that went above her lips and I’d watch them move when she yelled at me for not looking at her.
My mom said it was easy, look people right between the eyes, at that patch of skin above the bridge of their nose and below the forehead.
I tried, I honestly did, but it was hard when I had been in the habit of turning my desk sideways so it was facing the wall instead of the board. She yelled at me for that too. I didn’t really see anything wrong with it.
I really liked this, and the way that you used eye contact to connect your past and present selves. The structure of reading the article and then commenting on it was also really well done and gave the piece multiple dimensions that worked together nicely. I honestly don't have much criticism except that I would like more anecdotes like the one about your third grade math teacher. Those give good descriptions without you having to tell us that your friends love your awkwardness or that sometimes you stare into space because you're just thinking.
ReplyDeleteI found this really funny and interesting how you developed it as a "How to..." essay. Going along with that, it threw me off a little at the end when the "instructions" became "Reasons I think I didn't make more eye contact in the past." I immediately changed my perspective on the previous parts of the story at this point, until I read further and realized it was just to introduce a type of conclusion. That was the only place I had any confusion, overall I thought everything was really well done.
ReplyDeleteI really liked this piece! I just find it to be so clever how you related the tips to yourself. The personal experiences really drew me in to the piece.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite was the one you posted in your excerpt, about the mean teacher you had at a young age. I can relate to that.
There are times I feel like the personal experiences drag on, but for the most part they are concise and well-written.
Nice job.
I thought this piece was really well done! I like how creative you structured it, beginning with a more "how-to" thing and as it went on it became more personal. I found myself becoming really interested and getting sucked into the story as it went on. I agree with Julia how I was a little thrown off at first when you transitioned from instructions to explanations why you didn't make eye contact. But I liked you did that, so maybe just make the transition a little bit more smoother. Otherwise, well done.
ReplyDelete