Best There Is: Superpowers are soooo badass, I wish I could teleport...that’s right above being able to blow stuff up with my mind and a close third is stretchy body.
We’re supposed to be like fucking superheroes or something. I’m twenty. How the hell am I supposed to be a superhero? Especially when I’m sitting here doing shit for my country. Hell, I wish I were a superhero. Then maybe I could actually do something for America. I’d take those terrorist bastards out in fourteen seconds if I could get my hands on them. Fuck protocol, fuck strategy, and fuck reality. I’m a goddamn superhero, damn it.
Best There Is: Hakuna Matata! What a wonderful phrase Hakuna Matata! Ain't no passing craze It means no worries for the rest of your days It's our problem-free philosophy
Hell yeah I’m a Disney kid. And there’s still nothing better than Disney wisdom. Hakuna Matata? Truest thing I ever heard. Nothing better.
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I got an interesting divergence of feelings from this when i read it the first time. On one side, i can totally relate to the sentence: "Superpowers are so badass, I wish I could teleport..." That's something i think about every day. Similarly, i connect to the piece about the phrase hakuna matata. What skews it for me is the fact that theres a really angry emotional current running through the two pieces. It's almost like i can reach out to connect with the piece only to be bodily heaved away.
ReplyDeleteThis was an amazing piece. I actually felt like I was in a soldier's mind while I was reading this. The language was perfect and the thoughts were dead on as well. I would love to read more. The only thing I am not so sure about is the ending to a couple of the non-bolded parts which seem to go against what is said (when thanks or have a nice day is added). I know these were put in intentionally but I think it would be stronger to just take them out.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading this piece because the emotion felt very real and it was easy to connect to. It was very nice to hear another view of the war.
ReplyDeleteThe overtone of anger works really well but I wish that some of the deeper hidden emotion was developed more. For example, when it says he wants to be a superhero, it shows that he really does want to save people and isn't just angry. I would love to see more moments like this.
Additionally, did the soldier always feel this way about the war? Why did he join and what did he expect it be like? I think it would really strengthen the piece to add his emotion progression(if there was one).
I am not sure that the song lyrics are as strong as the rest of the language. YOu might want to consider cutting some of the song lyrics out in the revision.
Finally, there were some points in the story that I couldn't help but laugh and I loved it. For example, the reference to the old lady "Seriously lady. You're 83 years old and.." This paragraph was just awesome.
(I am so sorry this is late. I couldn't get my posts done before the OL trip)