...Frankly, I didn't like this piece all that much. Too disorganized. Ah, whatever.
The campers are somewhere in the middle of a 25-day canoeing expedition down the Riviere de Rupert, which begins at Lac Mistassini and ends in the Baie de Rupert, which empties into James Bay, and indirectly, the Hudson Bay. The Rupert is a businesslike river. It moves very quickly and doesn’t bother with complicated meanders or sharp turns, flowing nearly straight westward. It has gained fame for having some of the most deadly and intimidating sets of rapids in the world. The campers, of course, portage around these most dangerous sets, balancing their canoes on their heads and trudging over rain-slick rocks and roots. Getting around the sets can be a commitment of two miles or more and the overland hiking is especially exhausting. Before seeking refuge from the storm, the campers had just completed a particularly arduous portage around the last of four sets of rapids. It was around these rapids that the sheer power of the Rupert came into view for them. The sets dominate the senses so completely that it is impossible to focus on anything but not falling in. Whitewater akin to what is found on the Rupert is the stuff of legends—the kind of water that will grab hold of travelers and never let them go. It inspires terror, and yet, the campers have ridden 18 hours in a van just to get as close to the river as they can, and maybe “shoot” some of them—they say “shoot” because it’s easier to say than “barely maintain control of the boat while hurtling down the set at unhealthy speeds”—if they can manage it.
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The opening description is really great. It captures the reader's attention and paints a clear scene. I like the part about the men with explosives in the river, man vs. nature. I also like that it's placed in the middle, while you bookend the piece with the scene in the tent.
ReplyDeleteI would like more of the campers emotions. It says in the first paragraph "the campers are tense", I want to know what they look like when they're tense or how they carry themselves. Same with saying "The sets dominate the senses", how?? The things like who wants the peanut bar add more personality to the characters. I see the scene better than the characters. It's an interesting story though with the river and campers, I'd like to read more about why they're out there and what they're doing.
I think the most inteneresting part of this piece was the "man versus nature" aspect; with the damming of the river, the camping, and the ways natives used the river. as it is now though, its kind of a mere suggestion, except for the damming, and i think it would be interesting to explore all the different ways you have people interacting with nature,
ReplyDeletei also agree with jessie about using more details rather than saying some things. places like "the campers are tense" would be good to toss some details in.
and i said sort of the same thing about another piece, but i have a hard time placing the narrator in this one. are you a camper? or just observing them? i dont see the benefit in keeping it impersonal, and think if you wrote your self into it it could be stronger.