Traffic cameras watched my SUV crawl ten miles per hour under the speed limit down Chester Avenue, lit intermittently by streetlights and the colored tint of traffic lights. I pulled into the gas station, a square just large enough to house four gas pumps and a convenience store, hanging at the edge of a precipice into I-90, surrounded by conifers, grass, and tar.
After twisting the knob to turn off the headlights, I hastily donned my hoodie and my heavy coat, making sure the doors remain locked until I was ready to get out. Hurriedly, I slipped the credit card into the pump and deftly shoved it back into my wallet, which I tucked beneath my layers, and immediately started pumping. I rested my back against the white car door, my feet pivoted on the raised concrete of the pump.
Two gallons. The air evaporated out of my mouth like exhaust. Hearing a squeak, my arms tensed, and I jerked my head aside. A man with a black hood lifted from the down puffs of his red coat scrubbed my windshield using the bright red squeegee affixed to the side of each gas pump. Lit by the streetlights looming above the gas station, his six-foot frame seemed faceless.
Quick thing, I like the tension. More later, I am going to take a sleep.
ReplyDeleteAs I said, this piece operates well through tension. The author sets this up immediately saying the author "hastily donned" his/her jacket and "hurriedly slipped the credit card into the pump." This is maintained throughout as the author describes their tense posture as the "man" starts scrubbing the car windshield. The great part about this is that the washer is adding to the author's own "on edge-ness."
ReplyDeleteThe dialogue works very well between the description. The last part I want to comment on is the irony. The washer says he would never beg, but in reality that is exactly what he is doing. Its also some what ironic and sad that the 17year old is more wealthy and well off than someone considerably older.
If I can think of actual helpful CRITICISMS I will make sure to articulate them.