Before my first sister was born, when it was just my brother and I, and before the discovery of whatever drug it is my mom takes before a flight to suppress her otherwise irrevocable fear of flying, and before the invention of GPS and all-in-one travel agent websites, road trips were a family staple. My mom, her sister, my brother, and I would package ourselves into the busted grey Toyota. There was a hole straight through the side of the trunk from when my mom backed into the iron triangular mailbox of rural Mississippian Bed and Breakfast. I used to be able to fight a tiny fist through it. With Shawn and I fighting over the seat behind the passenger, over whose turn it was to see mommy the most, and my aunt with her face buried in the pages of an atlas the size of a newspaper and as thick as a textbook, we would get turned around before we were out of the neighborhood. If there is something to be said about the Sedlak family, it is not our sense of direction.
As our family four person family grew to six, as my mom began to cope (albeit through generous and nonjudgmental assistance) with her fear of flying, as GPS found its way into every car, as we gained the ability to plan entire vacations with one click, we lost our road trips. No more rocks being thrown at our car at midnight in the Atlanta ghetto. No more impromptu overnights at plantations that had been converted into hotels. When we did drive, it was in straight shots. My mother would simply type in an address and a mechanical British accent took us exactly where we were going.
I love the ending of this essay. The laughing and the fortune cookie had great description and a good point at the end. Since it is strong, I would maybe cut some of the stuff in the beginning. You establish in the first paragraph that you are horrible with road trips, so I think throwing in the second paragraph that says you just use the GPS now is less important to your story. It doesn't add to the hectic mood of the road trip.
ReplyDeleteThe physical descriptions were great of the roads and town of Granada. Sitting on the lumpy suitcase, those sort of descriptions were really nice.
I really loved the story and the stress release of laughing in the end. The irony of the fortune cookie was great. I would just get to the great description and Spain trip faster I think.
I really like the descriptions, and like Jessie said, the ending of the essay.
ReplyDeleteOne thing I would change is the opening sentence. I think it's a little too long, and the message you're trying to get across would be clearer if it was broken up into several sentences. Or, perhaps, just eliminating the "ands" and beginning each part with before....; before....; until the end would help signify each statement. Other than that, I really liked it, nicely written.
I agree with everyone above-- great descriptions. A lot of them are ones that only you could write or even think of, which really gives the story personality. I like the first part of the paper, but I think overall it could be shorter and more concise. I also really like the ending-- it's really creative and ironic. Great piece!
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