Finally I was beginning to realize what seniors from previous years were talking about when they said they were done with school – the feeling is easily comparable to a big, fat, juicy, sour, yellow lemon, and there’s no turning it into lemonade when all you want to do is be free. It was as if life was starting to pile on all the lemons I never got before, and there were too many for me to dig myself out.
This point of senior year was almost depressing – almost. It was getting colder outside, and no matter how golden-yellow the sun shined it just couldn’t make things get warmer. My brain was malfunctioning due to overuse, and I was slowing down when in reality I should’ve been speeding up. I don’t think you’re supposed to speed up, though. Why had I wanted so bad to be a senior?
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I don't really understand the lemon metaphore here. I think you could do a better job of making what you say less internalized because you seem to know what it means, but I have no idea.
ReplyDeleteAlso, you kind of jump around a lot. Your descriptions of each feeling itself is good, but they don't quite fit together as smoothly as they should.
I really like the use (or misuse) of the popular lemon phrase. The twist of making a phrase that usually has positive connotations (fight through it rah rah) into something that projects a hole so deep you cant get out of it again is very effective.
ReplyDeleteOn the other side, the author hints that senior year was almost depressing, perhaps indicating that there is a silver lining. However, (and maybe this didn't make into the excerpt) no silver lining is mentioned in the second paragraph.
I guess I have to mention the lemon part since the other two did... I get what you are trying to say and I think it makes sense in the context however, I think the part could be clarifies to say exactly what you really mean. Otherwise, in the rest of it, I think your descriptions painted the pictures you intended quite nicely.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I realize that this kind of essay needs to be written chronologically but I think you may force the reader to feel like it is jumpy because focus on December and January, which both appear in opening sentences in consecutive paragraphs.
Love the descriptions though so keep it up! Nicely done.