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Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Crazy Neighbors--group 3!

Bike riding, playing baseball all seem normal; I’m all for a little neighborhood fun, but the other activities are the issues. The youngest girl enjoys running around barefoot next to the lawnmower, which the father doesn’t seem to notice the tiny toes next to the spinning blade. She also enjoys running toward the street unsupervised or having the volleyball pummeled at her by the older sister. The mother is always running off to the next errand or whatever she might be doing as the wild kids run amuck in the formerly serene neighborhood. The nine year old girl, scooter girl, pretends to smile that innocent smile as you drive by, but I don’t buy it. Scooter girl rides her scooter, hence the name, all over and by all over I mean our front yard, the neighbor’s driveways, the street, wherever. Is this your private property? It looks perfect to ride my scooter over and make ruts everywhere. Are you sitting in your home looking right at me? Well, why should that stop me from driving on your lawn? Some thought process similar to this must go through her head. The boy is the worst by far. They have the trampoline under their basketball hoop in the driveway so that you can jump and scream on it until one in the morning. The best creation came this summer. A bike ramp. A giant boy from down the street meets up with my neighbor to throw himself off the edge of this thing (the stupid kid that lives there never actually has the guts to do it), and he never once lands right side up. Highlight of my neighbor’s career was yelling at my mother. She nicely asked at midnight if they could start to quiet down and the brat replied, “Make me!” Bad decision. I had to hold my mother back on the porch, she would have “made him” be quiet. You would think with a pool in the backyard they might contain themselves behind their house, but no.

2 comments:

  1. hello crotchety old lady.

    usually i dont like having no neighbors. you have changed my mind.

    I like this piece mainly because of the voice you use to tell it. it definitely doesnt sound like you are forcing anything. i could totally picture you telling this story out loud. i also like it because i think its very relatable. even though i dont have neighbors, i used to. i was totally those kids too, what with my incessant biking around the cul-de-sac and my neighbors' skateboard ramp and trampoline. bwahaha.

    i think you should describe the neighborhood a little bit more. it kind of seems like it could be any suburban neighborhood, and yours really isnt all that suburban. also, there are some parts which are little wordy and detract from whats around them. for instance, when you have scooter girl's though process, which is funny, i think you could leave out"Some thought process similar to this must go through her head." i feel like the reader can assume that.

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  2. I have a ton of neighbors too (mostly little kids) so I know how you feel! I really enjoyed the piece, and also think that the tone makes it so fun to read. I can picture exactly what these kids are like and relate them to the ones in my neighborhood. I also like your descriptions in general, and the paper is very well written.

    However, I think that you could make the point a little bit clearer. You kind of have two different opinions in the last paragraph and I'm not exactly sure which one is the point you're ultimately making, but maybe you intended to do that. Either way, good job!

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