Are the long sentences working? Its pretty much how the whole piece goes.
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As I was driving comfortably over the speed limit, as often I do, down the semi-rural streets surrounding my house going somewhere which, after the passing of a long enough period of time, will eventually I’m sure become inconsequential, I passed something so curious as it made me immediately pull into the next drive way, turn around, drive up to it again, come to a complete stop, and examine it in as much depth as one can get from the confines of a beat up station wagon until the driver whom had appeared behind me honked, I must admit not unjustifiably, at me, presumably telling me to get moving. I did so, but inevitably had to turn around again to continue on my way to said inconsequential destination, thus passing the phenomenon a third time, yet on this third passing I was forced to settle for a slight deceleration and not a full out stop as there was already a car in my rear view mirror and I, personally, do not enjoy having passing strangers express their opinions my flawed driving multiple times a day lest they be forced to slow down on the widely unpoliced roads while they unknowingly miss out on what could be a mind blowing experience for them as well. Had I a camera, I would have documented it, to clear up potential disbelief and for the purpose of future examination in hopes of eventually uncovering the marvel’s secret.
I like the way you begin and end with the speeding of the car. It really feels like we're there with you when time just stops to ponder over this raccoon in the middle and then life resumes.
ReplyDeleteI think after reading through the whole piece the longer sentences do work. It's the author's thought process, stuck on the raccoon and then seeing the car behind them, switches to thinking about the driveres on the road.
I think the descriptions like the raccoon hurling through the air are better than just simply saying hit by a car. There are some places where you might want to add more visual details because it's easier to form an image in your mind of the scene that took place. I really liked it though, it's a topic that a lot of people probably think about but never say, so it's interesting to read.
I agree with Jessie-- I think the long sentences work. They're not TOO long or so long that the reader loses the meaning in them.
ReplyDeleteI also like how you end, and how you start to think that you'll slow down and appreciate more small things in the world, but in reality that doesn't happen and things go back to normal. You're descriptions and thought processes are nice-- I really like them because they're original. The topic is also really cool because it's unique and definitely not something you hear about every day.