Monday, March 1, 2010
Weekend Writing 6 Group UNO
Ali and I prayed to Idina, the stuffed rabbit that sits on the rail that controls the curtains from offstage right. “Idina, give me strength. Amen.” We said. The previous year, our junior year, Ali and I both had starting places offstage right in the musical “RENT: School Edition,” and for some reason we started praying to the bunny who sat condescendingly on the rail above our heads. We named this seemingly god-like figure after Idina Menzel, the god-like actress who shaped the role of “Maureen” into what thousands of people perceive it as today in “RENT.” This year, as a member of the teen dance ensemble, I didn’t start the show onstage with Ali, an adult lead. Even though we were at opposite spectrums of the cast, we still bonded over this new tradition.
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I really enjoyed this piece. I thought your descriptions were great and you really told a story.
ReplyDeleteI did get a little lost in the middle though with the dance steps. While I thought it was a really good idea, you might have overdone it. I would consider cutting the amount you use them down a little.
I liked the piece too, and thought it was a fun story and gave a nice snapshot of your musical experience. It's more fast paced, which is cool because it shows the energy present during the production. I also liked how you started the story with Nalini, an excited but nervous freshman, and ended the story with you thinking that she's relieved and having too much fun to be nervous anymore. I think you put a little too many dance moves in though. After so many, I find myself skimming over them because I know it's yet another move. Good piece!
ReplyDeleteThe italics used in the piece were a good way to separate out the dance moves without losing the attention of the reader. I thought that the beginning was a little slow, however. It took me a little while to get into it. Maybe if you started the piece with the italicised dance moves it would help draw the reader in.
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